i’m missing to write

Seems like i have been leaving this blog for a very long time. I’m just missing to write. The main reason is, after blocking webmail, the company i work for, now blocking all the websites that categorised as “free hosting sites” including blogspot and wordpress. We almost cannot do anything with the internet. I assumed they actually want to withdraw the internet access to all employees. To prevent such protests they blocking every sites gradually. For me, this is just like when the government gradually reduce the subsidy for energy, and at the end there will be no subsidy at all.

Thanks to my friends who get an access to system and server in Australia (yes, Australian company is cheap), so i use their log in username and password to get an access to this blog. I plan to registered my cellphone to its provider to get an internet access. I’m a gaptek person who is only a user, not an administrator. I also plan to buy my own laptop to get may facilities the a computer should be. Currently i’m using company’s laptop that cannot be installed with many programs without permission of IT policy. So many restrictions.

These weeks are very tiring. Not only phisically, but most of it is emotionally. After working for almost 2 and a half year, i found what people said office politics or interests of conflict at office. I argued with someone who happens as my superior. Be in different pages, meanwhile we have to work together is painful. I almost think that the conflict already heading to personal problem. Whatever i say, whatever i say, whatever i do, lead to debate. I don’t care then .I told my boyfriend that i’m going to put wall face (muka tembok) as long as i’m still working with him. Who is he to make me such stressful?

Currently, i’m also in a process of doing some efforts to get better life. I think it’s time for me to think and act to do things to make my dreams happen. I do hope something good happens to me on September. Let’s pray for me. Will You?

brief unimportant update

Grey’s Anatomy series is definitely awesome. Imagine the cool doctors in operations room trying to save patients lives. However, it is not awesome at all when you lay down there as the patient. Having the first surgery in my life made me really nervous. Even though this was just a minor surgery that will not affect my vital organs. Long story short, i had two birthmarks that happened growing constantly in the past few years. Got worrying of severe disease such cancer of tumor, i decided to see a doctor to get my birthmarks examined.

I went to a private hospital that famous for its good services. At first, i made an appointment with skin specialist doctor who later refered me to surgery clinic. To send me from her clinic (skin) to surgery clinic, i have to pay the doctor almost two hundred thousand rupiahs I’m sure the profession as doctors is very prospective. They earn money easily. 

At the surgery dept, the surgeon instantly offered me to remove (is remove a proper word for that ? :(  ) the birthmarks. After making sure about the fee, considering my available cash, i agreed to have the minor surgery. I got local anaesthesia on my cheek and my chest before the surgeon and a nurse working to cut out the growing tissue. Quite chiller to hear the surgeon said “the scissor please”, or “the blade please” to the nurse. They did suture to the wound with a dark blue string. Cool isn’t it? Even the nurse showed me the string after finishing the surgery process.

Finished the surgery, i had to face another terrify thing, payment for the surgery. Yay, i had to spend almost a half of my deposit in ATM. Health is definitely expensive, moreover, priceless. Can’t wait to reimburse the spending to my office to get my money back :D Now, i have to protect the suture bandage from water, and it’s a little bit difficult since i cannot take a normal shower as usual. I really wait to get the suture opened and recovered.

the seventh week

This is the seventh week i have been in Sangatta. A choice made by me, not by my boss or somebody else. Seventh week of working from 6 am until 5 pm (not to mention the time i have to wake up and sleep at night), six days a week. Anybody can tell me the effect of such rhythm of life to my health? Take a shower at 4.30 am in the morning, and get out in the dark? Tell me if you know. 

I found myself too ordinary, not different, and just the same as somebody else. But now, i don’t think so. The weeks teach me a lot. There are sleepless nights, exhaustion until felt that my body is getting falling apart, difficult people to deal with. Those things tell me that life needs efforts and obstacles keep coming in your life uninvited.

For some reasons, i have to stay here longer than i thought. We still have a critical problem with a community. My boss and the Project Manager have been arguing and they are on a different page to solve the problem. I can see that the condition (or maybe their relationship) getting awkward or love-hate relationship I’m who definitely nobody (not the decision maker) can only observe (or watch?) and wait for their decision.

I’m so envy seeing people happily facing their two weeks field break. I still have to wait for two weeks until have a rational reason to leave. I need to go home to keep my life and soul normal. I want to sleep eight hours or more uninterrupted. I need to go to a book store to keep update. I need to meet people whom i love and love me back.

Experiencing working in site increasing my obscurity for my career plan. I’m not sure what i want for my future career. My life goes nowhere. I still have no answers but i think the universe will answers my questions.

akhir pekan yang terlalu cepat, hujan dan bus

Hari ini sudah senin lagi. Libur satu hari di hari minggu berakhir tak berasa. Kemarin aku bisa bangun setengah delapan pagi, lalu ke mess hall untuk minum teh hangat dan makan telur ceplok untuk sarapan. Pergi ke mini market dan warung sulawesi untuk makan coto makassar pada siang harinya. Membaca dan menonton film di Cinemax, tanpa terasa hari sudah malam. Aaaaarrghhh, hari minggu sudah berakhir

Tuan rumahku selama di project, orang yang selalu kutumpangi mobilnya untuk naik ke kantor (kantornya di perbukitan yang ditambang), hari senin ini harus medical check up. Dia baru bisa naik setelah waktu makan siang. Itu artinya aku harus berusaha untuk naik ke kantor sendiri. Dengan cara apa terserah, asal aman tentunya. Tadinya berniat untuk “menodong” orang yang memegang mobil untuk ikut menumpang. Kenyataannya, sepanjang hari minggu aku tidak menemukan orang yang potensial untuk kuminta tumpangan. Minta pada orang tak dikenal? Tak enak dan malu rasanya. Apalagi mereka laki-laki. Sebenarnya tidak ada masalah dengan gender ini, justru kadang lebih nyaman karena laki-laki lebih rasional dan fair. Tidak seperti perempuan yang penuh rasa curiga, iri dan tersaingi. Hah, kadang-kadang aku tak suka dengan perempuan

Akhirnya, karena tak dapat tumpangan, aku-pun harus naik bus jemputan. Resiko-nya harus siap2 menunggu di halte depan camp lebih pagi. Dan jelas, aku tak bisa keluar dari kamar jam setengah enam pagi seperti biasanya. Bakal ketinggalan bus :( Meskipun baru tidur jam setengah 12, aku tak mengalami masalah ketika harus bangun setengah lima, dan tanpa bermalas2an harus langsung mandi. Mungkin setelah tiga minggu ini, badanku sudah menyesuaikan diri dengan ritme bekerja sejak subuh. Masalah muncul ketika hujan tiba2 turun. Kenapa hujan harus turun di jam segini, ketika kami harus bersiap-siap untuk berangkat? Kenapa tidak tadi sore atau malam saja?

Jam lima tepat aku sudah meluncur ke mess hall setelah menerobos hujan dengan tutup kepala sweater. Sambil menunggu bus datang jam 05.15, aku sempat membuat teh dan memanggang roti untuk kubungkus. Biasanya, aku tak pernah sempat memanggang roti apalagi minum teh. Roti dengan selai strawberry kubungkus di kertas minyak, lalu dengan beberapa teman langsung menuju halte. Di luar, hujan semakin deras, dan menggigil-lah aku di halte. What the hell am i doing here right now? At 5.15 am in the morning, in the middle of freaking rain!!

i love you grandma

 

Monday night, while reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, i got an sms from my little brother tell me that our grandmother passed away while ago. I got shock and suddenly lost my desire to continue the Harry Potter adventure to defeat the Prince of Darkness Lord Voldemort. I closed the book and replied my brother that i couldn’t go home since i still in a project in remote Kalimantan. I tried to call my another brother in Jogja but he didn’t pick up my calls. Finally, i sent an sms to him and ask him to go home to Tegal. His position in Jogja still very possible and reachable by less than a day trip. I got distracted for a while didn’t know what to do.

This grandma was the one whom i knew most. Other three grandparents passed away when i was very little to understand what happened. Maybe this thing is common, i mean, yes off course my grandmother is very old, seventy something person (she didn’t has a birth certificate). She was special for me since she was the only grandma i knew. Recently, i just realized that she had passed so many hard things in her life. Even in her very last of life. She was the mother of my mother, gave birth for 15 children (yes 15!) but there are 10 children remaining because some of them passed away on their childhood. She raised in a farmer family who didn’t consider education important for their children. I could say that my grandma’s family was not too poor to send her to the school. Poor grandma, she only went to elementary school (sekolah rakyat) and after that got married with my grandpa. Another common story of old generation family in Indonesia.