i love you grandma

 

Monday night, while reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, i got an sms from my little brother tell me that our grandmother passed away while ago. I got shock and suddenly lost my desire to continue the Harry Potter adventure to defeat the Prince of Darkness Lord Voldemort. I closed the book and replied my brother that i couldn’t go home since i still in a project in remote Kalimantan. I tried to call my another brother in Jogja but he didn’t pick up my calls. Finally, i sent an sms to him and ask him to go home to Tegal. His position in Jogja still very possible and reachable by less than a day trip. I got distracted for a while didn’t know what to do.

This grandma was the one whom i knew most. Other three grandparents passed away when i was very little to understand what happened. Maybe this thing is common, i mean, yes off course my grandmother is very old, seventy something person (she didn’t has a birth certificate). She was special for me since she was the only grandma i knew. Recently, i just realized that she had passed so many hard things in her life. Even in her very last of life. She was the mother of my mother, gave birth for 15 children (yes 15!) but there are 10 children remaining because some of them passed away on their childhood. She raised in a farmer family who didn’t consider education important for their children. I could say that my grandma’s family was not too poor to send her to the school. Poor grandma, she only went to elementary school (sekolah rakyat) and after that got married with my grandpa. Another common story of old generation family in Indonesia.

After marriage, grandma had to live alone with their children. My grandpa worked in Jakarta and only came home every several months. She had to take care all the 15 children by herself. My mother told me that she used a hard way to raised her children (my mother and her siblings) she beat them if necessary.  My mom off course got experiences be beat by broom and sprayed by water if when she did something wrong. My grandma didn’t totally wrong in this situation. The combination of lack of education, married in young age, had a lot of children, the unpresent husband, and low of economic capability, shaped her in that way.

Unfortunately, grandma and grandpa still adopted their family concept. Education was not really important, at least you can read and count, that’s enough. That’s why my mother and all her siblings didn’t go to university. My mother, the one who really eager to continue her study must bury her dream. One mistake by my grandparents that cannot be revised. My mom said that grandpa could sell a little part of his farm to pay my mom’s tuition if he wanted. But he didn’t do it. However some of their children grew up as very independent persons, including my mom and some of my uncles.

My grandpa passed away when i was 4 years old. After that, my grandma who was obviously a total housewife had to think hard how to survive and feed her teenage children. They were my mother’s little brothers and sisters. Grandma started to gave up grandpa’s inheritance for living. That made her teenager (who became adults) children become spoilers, and never be independent. That’s too bad.

After this, i will never see her again every-time i go to my hometown. Her skinny body, grey hair, and full of meaning eyes. She asked me how was my study (when i was in Jogja did my bachelor degree), and how was my job after i work. She was the only one who never sue for anything from me who came from Jakarta to earn money. She was one of some important reason for me to go home. I do hope that you rest in peace grandma. You didn’t have any unfinished business. The rest problems become the responsibility to those who are still alive. Let them responsible with their own life, just like you did. Love you grandma.